Dear Natalie

Dear Future Natalie,

     At the time I started writing this letter, there were 30 days until I am on program with AFS. It has also been over a year since I decided to study abroad and I started actively pursuing my goal. When I told my mom that I wanted to study abroad, the answer was initially negative. I knew in my heart that I wanted to go to France, and I was already telling people "when I go to France..." When I found out that the only way possible for me to study abroad was to win a scholarship, I quit telling people about it. I wasn't very confident, even though I wrote wonderful essays. I didn't want the embarrassment of having to tell people that I couldn't go. When Deb Felak, at my interview, told me how many kid were applying, I started crying. She told me that 60 kids were interested, and 30 would get the scholarship. Even though those odds are absolutely amazing compared to ones I could encounter for college scholarships, I was still afraid that my dream could be ripped out from under me at any second. Luckily, my dream was not ripped out from under me. I will be boarding a plane on September 5th and flying to France. I get to meet my wonderful host family, who you surely know very well.

     Now, dearest future Natalie, you have come back from France. I'm sure you have changed in more ways that I can even imagine.

     I hope you are more independent. I know, I am very independent to begin with, but I still need approval before making decisions. I hope you have learned not to get caught up with simple decisions. I hope that you are more spontaneous. I hope that one time during the year, you looked at the menu and picked something random. Something that you have absolutely no idea what it is, but you will be surprised. It may be pleasant, it may be objectionable, but you'll live.

     I hope that you are fluent in French. That is my biggest hope for you. I want you to be able to speak to anyone in French without fear. You surely will have made mistakes with your French grammar, but perfection isn't my goal. Just as my English will never be perfect, my French will never be perfect. There will always be a verb that I conjugate wrong or a word that I mispronounce, no matter what. Future Natalie, you will have realized that this is okay. I know it to be true now, but my face still becomes bright red every time I make an error.

     Have you had a great time and used every opportunity you could? If you haven't, I'm honestly disappointed in you. You were in France, silly! Do something!

      Have you come up with an occupation where you can use your French skills and your other skills?

     What do you know about the world that you didn't know before?

     Have you offered the appropriate amount of thanks to Jenny and Mike Messner for their selfless funding of the very scholarship that sent you over?

      Will you keep in contact with your host family? I really hope that you do. I adore them so far. Do you want to move to France? Have you made any decisions about your career or college?

     When you return from France, I expect you to write back to me.


Until later,

-Natalie Alyssa Souders
August 26, 2013